Saturday, November 19, 2011

Let's try something... different

Recently I had an epiphany. A big one. One about my life, something that I hadn't really hadn't considered before.

I realized that many things that I do, centers around trying to recapture the happier parts of my childhood. I didn't have a horrible childhood, but it wasn't exactly great by most measuring sticks. What's the point into going into lots of details really?

I never realized that the Christmas ornaments I choose, the places I vacationed to, the gifts I bought for others, were just a way for me to relive those happy moments one more time. Or maybe, an attempt to make an old sad moment, and make it into a happy one. Imagine how difficult it was for me to stumble across some of my childhood books in an antique store - I wanted to take them all home with me. I was even making life long decisions on where to live based on these ideas!

I have since realized that I can let some of this stuff go. Where would my life lead me, if instead of looking backwards sadly or happily, I looked forward with curiosity?

Things I've done on tradition alone, I've let go. No longer am I tied down to do anything, just because that's what I've always done, or what I've always thought I should do for some reason.

One of those small events I've changed was photos - of all things. Every year as a child, I remember the day after getting our school pics back. Everyone would bring all their school pics to school with their signature on the back to trade. I still have almost all these pics of my old schoolmates.

So when the boys were little, I kind of wanted them to live that moment too. Except here in Maryville, it's either not done, or really not a big deal. Finally this year, we decided to just completely forego photos all together!

After all, he has a mother that's a photographer right?

I realized that I like these so much better than the crappy ones the school gives you. I have an opportunity to make them look more like Tanner's personality and at the same time, they got to be Tanner's childhood memories.

Not mine.


the Goodwife said...

I LOVE this! Our lives are such an amazing journey of learning. I hope your aha moment continues to uplift and suprise you as the journey continues!

Mary Ann said...

What a great post... your son's memories, not yours. I need to let go of old baggage, too!

LisaDay said...

Our pics always went to family members. Tanner's pics are wonderful.


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