Friday, August 3, 2012

One of the saddest days in recent memory


Have you ever fought for something you loved with all your heart?

Well, that kind of explains why I've been quiet lately.  You see, this past week, my husband and I went to Colorado to fight for something really important.  Like, fight as in, court battle.

We've been planning this for about 6 months now.  Working on it a lot, probably equivalent to a part time job for me.  I learned a lot about myself in that time.  Like, I can find out all kind of information when I just put my mind to it and hype myself up at 2 a.m. on honey bunches of oats.

A lot of people came together to make it happen, and we found out who are our true friends and family in the process.  My in-laws really mean the world to me, and have now proven it to us - not that they needed to really.  My sisters were there for me just because I asked them to.  No other reason.  Old friends, employers, my step son, even my husband's ex wife (we've not really been the best of friends) was extremely helpful and held herself in nothing but the highest grace and dignity.

But you know what?
We knew we had a battle going in, and our odds were very slim at best.  We hoped that a judge would listen to reason and let us explain.  Our #1 goal was to be able to say that we'd done everything we could to maintain this relationship.  We always had some hope it would happen.

Being prepared doesn't stop you from being crushed when it actually fails.  Kind of like when someone dies after a long term illness.  You know it'll happen eventually, but it doesn't mean you don't grieve when it does happen.

On one hand, the judge was apologetic in his ruling.  Said we were obviously good people, but his hands were tied.  On the other hand, he really didn't let us state our whole case, he rushed us and shushed most of the proceedings.

So that's that.  Because of a technicality in Colorado law, and the spinelessness of one person, my husband will most likely, never again see 3 young girls that he loves deeply.  I had to see my husband break down multiple times in just a few hours.  I've only seen him cry about 6 times in our entire relationship, funny, about 5 of those times was over the SAME PERSON.

I could give you details.  I could literally write a really thick book about it all.  Your jaw would drop every other page. (Some people are really not good people.)  But instead, we've decided that we've lived in a lot of negativity the past year of our lives because of one person.

You see, when we do better for ourselves and try to live a positive life, good things happen to us.  This person, has proven that when they live a negative life, nothing but negative things happen to them.

So we're just letting it go.
Think positive things.
Live positive ways.
Partition off that part of your mind and just.... let it heal.

Because someday, kids grow up into adults and they start to put 2 and 2 together on their own and they will seek out answers.... and we will be here.

It's just a matter of time.

(note: I've turned off comments on this post, because, how can I say this politely?.... I don't care to hear anyone's opinions on the matter.  No offense.  This post is here for some bloodletting only.)
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