Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Singing: "And that's why they call it the blueeeeesss"

 I've been meloncholy lately over my youngest growing up.

Which is completely out of my character.

Seriously, since they were like 8, I was the mom that was always "so when are you getting a job?"  Totally ready for them to have some independence.  OK, *some* independence.  Always been a free range parent - I give you a long leash, but don't break it or there is hell to pay.  Then when there is "hell to pay" I probably go too easy.

However from the outside looking in, I'm often told I'm a "strict parent".
*insert confused face*.

Anyway, my "baby" (not jingles) is now 18.
I know!  Wtheck?

He's a good 6 inches taller than me, drives his own car, has inginuity and drive and pretty darn smart (when he wants to be).  It seems, I did pretty damn alright in the parenting department.

That's a success right?

I mean, I've said for years my goal is make sure they are raised and not a burden to society.  They can like me in the process... or not.  It's not a requirement.  But in the end, I'm pretty sure both of my kids like me.  (Well, I hope so anyway... Seth?  Tanner?  Hello?)

So far, success.

Tanner is a senior and that's where we get back to melancholy. I totally didn't expect that I would be sad to see him grow up and start thinking about the rest of his life.

Maybe it's because in my head he's still that little chubby kid that likes to hang out with mom and scrapbook with me sometimes. That he'll sit in his room and make some project for 7 hours straight without a word. Or that he tells me that when he grows up he'll never be a disagreeable kid (like his brother went through).

I guess my reality is setting in. His time in school is coming to an end and maybe this is making me realize that I'm no longer a spring chicken.

Time really does pass quickly - most especially the summer they go through puberty.  One week they are 5'1" and the next they are pushing 5'10". 
And shaving.

When I look at Tanner's band pics, this is when I realize how much he's changed over the years.  How grown up he looks in his uniform and how proud I am that he stuck it out all those years, even the years he wasn't enjoying it very much (before the current band instructor).

But it's this picture that makes me the saddest.  This is The Shouse.  He took on a band that used to be one of the best in the area but had been "defeated" mentally.  I told him right after he started he had a big job ahead of him and he just smiled at me like I was a nutjob and nodded.

He pulled it out, and the band has improved greatly.  But more importantly, all the kids really look up to him and admire him.  He is a wonderful role model for every single kid in that band.  Tanner thinks the world of him.  So seeing this pic, from the last home game (football) of Tanner's senior year makes me realize that soon Tanner will move on, and won't have the Shouse anymore.

He'll have to be a grown up all on his own without the Shouse, or grandparents, or dad.... or Mom.  And as the Mom that always said "do your thing, but don't piss me off in the process"... I get a little sad when I realized it worked.  And that in a way, I'm a Shouse too. 

Except I invested a lot more cash into him.

Maybe I did too good of a job?
Did I really want one of those little snively snotty kids that can't function without their parents?
Le Sigh.

Now please excuse me while I get back to measuring Tanner's room to design my fitness center.

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