Nebraska Furniture Mart is an EVIL PLACE!

This past weekend (New Years), we were invited to spend New Year's Eve with some friends of Gene's from high school.  However, when we got there the only people we knew were the hosts. 

I know.... branch out and meet people right?  Except the part where I suck at it.  So we hung out for a few hours and then headed back over to Gene's parent's house to spend the first bit of 2012 with them.  It's ok, we met great people, but honestly since I was designated driver, I was the sole sober person in a sea of lushes.  I was ready to get out of there.

Now something you should know about me, is that I'm a harasser.  I'm the person that will poke at you endlessly for a seemingly minor infraction for my own amusement.  (My poor husband has no self-esteem anymore).

I've been harassing my mother-in-law (Hi Carol!) about her couches for some time now.  Not because it's horrible... just because I can. ;)

(Don't worry, she still loves me.)

(god I hope so).

You see, the couches have lived a valiant life.  There's been a lot of butts planted there over their life span.  Every time I sit on the loveseat, I feel sleepy, so we have determined they must be made of chloroform and puppy fur and do some mild harassing about it in the process.

(maybe she doesn't love me.  Maybe she tolerates me greatly)

So we discuss couches, etc.  I determine that I'm taking my in-laws furniture shopping sometime in the future, because you know, it's always easier to spend other people's money.

(Well, even if she doesn't love me, I am pretty sure she knows I'm joking)

We end up chatting until the wee hours of the morning, off to bed because Gene has determined that 1-1-12 we're going to Nebraska Furniture Mart.  (just me and him).  If you don't know what NFM is, it's a spin off monstrosity from NFM in Omaha.  Man this place is HUGE.  Every type of furniture, electronic, appliance, kitchware known to man.  It makes ikea curl up in the fetal position.

As a person that generally hates larges stores, I haven't been a huge fan.  However, they have camera equipment there and not the walmart variaty crap either.  Like high end primes lenses that I can ohh and ahh over. 

So I was in.

We're walking around the store (somewhere in our 3rd mile), I am mentally spending my In-law's millions and millions (of yen) on cute furniture that meets their criteria. Then we both spot "it" at the same moment.  It's a lovely chair made of microsuede supermodels. 

No, really.  Cindy Crawford made it with her own bare hands.

OK, maybe she just authorized it, but it had her name on it.

Anyway, cream colored microsuede in a classic streamline shape.  It meets every criteria of furniture I have.

• Must be firmly stuffed.  No floppy pillowbacks
• Must have narrow arms.  I hate taking up valuable real estate with big fat arms.
• Must be classic shaped - preferably mid-century modern feel
• Must be a completely impractical color.

Because, you know, we have a teenage boy, 2 cats, a glass man that comes home head to toe filthy nearly every single day, 4 granddaughters and 16 CHICKENS.  So you know, "cream" is a totally practical color.

Within 3 minutes, we both determined we were buying it.  Nevermind we drove a jeep that day (without the trailer).  I announced that I knew for 110% sure it would go into the jeep.

We buy it.  We even pay extra for the scotchguard and warranty.  (because someone needs to be practical).  Drive around to the loading dock and empty the car:

Yeah, all my other shopping excursions, suitcases and such just lay there all over the ground at the loading dock in NFM.  Glad I didn't have something totally embarassing.  

 

So after waiting what felt like forever, they come carrying out a box.

 

Wait what?  A box?

 

That thing was NOT going to fit, but I'll give them that they at least gave it a half hearted attempt.  Finally I instructed them to remove the box and shoo, because they were going to break the back glass in my jeep.  It doesn't matter if I'm married to a glass man at that point, that glass is expensive!

 

So finally, after some wrestling, cussing and brute force, we got the puzzle piece to fit.  You see, it looked a LOT smaller on the show room floor.   Maybe because the showroom floor is like 800,000 sq ft or something, and my house is 1500 sq ft? 

 

And my jeep is like 12 sq ft.

 

We get it home, cuss a lot more because that motha is heavy!  We almost didn't get it through the door (and don't get me started about the red scuff of paint or the tiny tear in the fabric on the back corner!!!!!   Yay for dry cleaning solution in a can!) 

 

Behold.

It's so purdy.  I want to marrrrry it.

I had to rearrange all my furniture and ditch the rocking chair that never gets sat in.  We will dub this the no-spaghetti chair.  In fact, we might dub it the "no sitting" chair.

Except by me. 

Because I'm special.

So anyway, the point to this long story which could have been told in 4 words "I bought a chair", is this...  This was my penance for giving my MIL a hard time.  Not only do I go out to browse and end up with a chair I don't really need, it's completely impractical in the process.

I r smartz.