Friday, April 15, 2011

I found a feather

A couple weeks ago, I was reading a story on an online forum about found pennies. "Pennies from heaven". You know the story, someone special in your life dies, and then randomly you start finding pennies in the strangest of places to remind you of that family member.

This person, however, wasn't finding pennies, they were finding dimes. Dimes that seconds before, were not there, dimes that would suddenly appear in weird spots that you wouldn't expect to find a dime.

I said to myself, "Man, I wish I would find something like that."


You see, my dad and I never had a great relationship. Not that I didn't care about him, I just don't think he knew how to relate to "kids" very well. He just didn't know what to do, and in return, all I learned was that I didn't know how to relate to Dads.


It wasn't until he became ill that I think he started to really realize that maybe he'd screwed up. Things had been said. "Sorries" were made and accepted, if just sort of in a half passing ways, because really, we all still didn't have the tools to really connect still.


You do what you know.


Since he passed away almost three years ago now, I think about him frequently and most of the time my thoughts settle on what "could have" been, or maybe what "should have" been, and there's probably some jealousy, disappointment and regret mixed in just to make it a little more to ponder. You'd think with time, things wouldn't bother you as much, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Regret is still there - and hurt - and some anger.


So the other day, I was in the yard, watering my flowers. Something fluttered out of the corner of my eye and I realized it was a feather.


Not any feather. It was huge. Probably the largest feather I've ever found in my whole entire life about a foot long, and it was beautiful too.


04-15-feather


I came inside and did a little research. I found out, that this feather is from a great horned owl and that's when it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. You see, for a while now I've been finding feathers. No not chicken feathers - although I can go outside and find 42 in about 3 minutes. Different feathers, feathers of blue jays and little feathers I don't even know what they belong to.


A couple weeks ago, I had the strangest experience. I'd gone to the lake and was walking the parking lot (because it's so much less boring than walking up and down my flat, straight road). I'd made the loop several times when all the sudden a feather appears along side the lot I bend over and pick it up and then make another loop. There's 2 more feathers! Repeat this a few more times. Even after I went looking for feathers and couldn't find any, another one would appear on the next loop.


All together I found 5 feathers. When I got home, I researched and found out they were turkey feathers.


When I found the owl feather, I sat there at my desk thinking about why I was finding these feathers lately. Then I just had the urge to google the phrase, "I found a feather." Funny thing happened, the very first hit talked about the symbolism of finding feather, and people will find 3 things. Pennies, dimes and feathers. That they are signs that an angel is trying to communicate with you.


I started to put pieces together. First, there was the turkey feathers, and ironically enough, my father was buried with a turkey feather that he loved too. I believe he found it just like I did.


Then I thought about Amber, my little sister, who was closest to dad. She has wings in her business logo, and I don't think I've seen her without a piece of jewelry without wings or feathers on it in a several years.


When we all got tattoos to commemorate dad, the one I chose was a swallow. Swallows even appeared at my wedding (10 days after dad died).


I could just keep going on and on with more examples


So I stood there in my yard, thinking about this great horned owl feather and said to myself, "I got the message Dad. Thanks." In a way, I think about him as a great horned owl. Kind of scary, but still pretty cool in other ways. Usually quietly in the background, but when he spoke you knew it.


And you know what's kind of funny about those 5 random turkey feathers? My dad has 5 kids. :)


(PS - Just so you know, it's against the law to keep the feathers of migratory birds so don't keep them!)

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