Thursday, March 1, 2012
I'm kind of glad February is over.
Long story short - it sucked. Family is difficult.
I need a cheerful greeting like, yesterday.
Gene and I have been talking a lot over the past few months on the family vs. tribe mentality. I've known this for a really long time and you if you know me, you'll know one of my favorite sayings is "Your family is thrust upon you, but you get to pick your friends." If you're lucky, those people might overlap, but not always.
I tend to be a person that always says "why?" and that has caused me difficulty in life.
"Go to bed, it's late."
"Why do I have to go to bed, it's only 8 p.m."
"Do well in calculus or else"
"Why? I'll never use it."
"This is the rule, so we need to follow it."
"Why is this the rule, it doesn't make sense?"
People don't like for you to question their reasoning. It makes for quickly pissed off people.
Sorry 'bout that.
I don't plan on changing. Someone needs to stand up and ask questions rather than following like a blind sheep.
So when I was a kid, I always questioned the "why" of family. Why do I have to be so loyal to so-and-such? Just because he/she is related by a random pool of genetic material?
How about this instead - how about I pick those around me that I deem to be my homemade family and I'll call them my tribe.
A Tribe is a groups of people that choose to be together. Once in a while a tribe will pull in a new member (sometimes againt their will) to help spread around the genetic pool a bit, but as a general rule, everyone is there because they choose to be, not because they are forced to be.
My tribe is small. Mainly because my trust of most people is fairly slim. (I know, that's sad). I feel like people have little loyalty anymore. "I'm only going to do this if it serves me." and once it no longer "serves" them well, they are out.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat dozens of times and you have the foundation of mistrust of the human race. Truth is, I really have little faith in most people.
This is something I struggle with on a daily basis. Trusting others. Moving past the mistakes and misgivings of others. Opening up my heart again so if the opportunity knocks, then I'll be available to let someone in.
Which seems to be working for the most part. New friends are being made. I feel like I found a place I fit in once again - art class. Just like high school all over again. Full of the art nerds, the true talents, the goof balls and the geeks. We're a little clan of sorts - but that's soon coming to an end. I found my voice enough the other day to voice that I really didn't want it to end and can we get together more. Many said yes.
Maybe that's my art tribe.
And while I open my heart a little to let people in, at the same time I grieve for my husband as his closes up more and more. People you think you love and trust keep disappointing him left and right and it's hard to watch. My mamma bear is strong and I want to kick a bunch of faces in. But instead, all I can do is give him a hug and be his best friend.
Because he's mine.
Yes this is a venting post. I try not to be so much of a downer if I can but sometimes you have to be real.
Sarcastic remarks courtesy of Mz-Cellaneous at 4:42 PM