"Do you have access?"

Seems like a simple phrase, but go back even 15 years, and the response would be "access to what?"

A couple years ago, Stacy and I were going someplace and I said "crap, I forgot my cell phone!" Stacy, being the no cell phone girl, said "it's liberating isn't it?"

"NO!"
I admitted that I found it stressful to know that I might be missing a call. I might be missing a call from the man I fell in love with and even tho I could *call him back* the idea of him trying to reach me and being unable to, stressed me.

She looked at me like I was a nut job.

Isn't if funny how much our world has changed in a dozen or so years. We go from oblivious to always connected, always *on*.

Until now.

Now I'm off. Kinda.

My trusty old computer, isn't so trusty any more. This morning, I turned it on kicked on the heater because my feet were cold and sat there to eat some cereal and read Kal the same as always. Somewhere toward the bottom of my cereal, I noticed it smelling funny. Really weird plastic smell. No matter where I sniffed, it seemed to be coming from my cereal bowl. I couldn't finish, set it aside, listened to my computer, shut off the heater. I mentally said "you need to move those photos" and 15 seconds later....

*blink*

It was gone.

Like that.

It's "funny" (as in ironic, not funny ha-ha), as I'd just had a post in my head not 24 hours ago, about how much I have embraced change over the years. I learned that I didn't have to have friends or a husband to go shopping or scrapbooking. That I could do things by myself.

I learned that I could get on a plane alone, and fly to a location I've never been to before, and be ok, that I didn't need to be lead.

I learned that new and different changed things, were not synonymous with bad, but instead with excitement.

That is except for the computer.

I absolutely drag my feet til my hand is FORCED to do something else. I hate it. I hate moving files, and learning new programs, and figuring out where my email is, and losing files (because that always happens), and and and and.....

Well, this morning my hand was forced. *sigh*

Which I shouldn't complain, I have a brand new, very fast, sleek beautiful computer that I'm sitting on right now (that's currently sitting at my dining room table). But part of me longs for my old horse with 40 gb hard drive (which was huge when I got it) that only has 3 gb left because I have to move photos all the time. (I'll only have lost 3 months worth if they can't be recovered). I want all my bookmarks in the order that I read them. I want to go back and read an email from 2004 (yes I have a few of those!)

Moving slower, was moving faster to me because I knew where everything was, and my issue is not wanting to learn to do it a new way, when I was fast at the old way.

I texted Gene (bless technology at times), and he immediately called me. He was not stressed. He was sympathetic, but I notated a slight happiness in his voice. Oh yes, "his" computer would now get to sit at the desk instead of the dining room table like it has since January. We talked about getting a cheapo back up computer for each freaking room in the house.

I like that plan.

At first I was not stressed at all. I kind of laughed as I thought that god works in mysterious ways and sometimes answers a prayer (I never prayed god!) not quite how you requested in the first place. But then, I started remembering little things like - I don't have everyone's email addresses, and what about my robin photos, and how am I going to learn the new version of PSP when I was using a version that's literally 8 years old, and why did vista change my mail? And what was wrong with XP to start with, xp is lovely, and why can't things be THE SAME.

*small sob*

I'm on my way to the computer store. He'll be my BFF if he can show me how to recover all those photos.

Until then, I'll be writing you from my much faster, newer model sucky computer.
*spit*