So I'm at my clothesline, which really wasn't the clothesline, it was painting, (in my head the virtual clothesline) but I'm deep in thought regardless, thinking about when Amber was born and my thoughts turned to a different story.
Mom went into labor in the middle of the night, and although I'm sure she woke me up to tell me she was leaving (because I needed to take care of Torrie - the older little one), I don't remember that conversation. Mom's water broke in the bathroom, I remember that because I washed the rug LOL.
In the morning, I got Torrie up, totally expecting her to be excited and I said "Guess what, Mommy went to the hospital to get that baby!"
Torrie burst into tears. "I wanted to go toooooooo!!"
Now please keep in mind I'm 16 when this happened - I remember being totally annoyed at Torrie thinking "you're supposed to be happy!"
And then that made me think of something that Torrie has said to me at least 3-4 times over the years. And maybe this is what she meant. Torrie said to me "You used to hate my guts when I was little."
I've thought about that a lot over the years, and honestly, I don't ever remember hating my little sister for any reason. Annoyed, oh plenty, who doesn't get irritated at their sister on a regular basis? Hate... never. I can't drum up one time I felt hate for her.
Then I contemplated more why she would think that, and it got me to thinking about the situation that I was in. Here I was 11 years old when Torrie was born. Up until that point, I had been the baby myself. I became my sister(s) built in babysitter from age 11 to 18. Yes, I had some animosity about not getting to be a teenager at times.
No, my mother didn't shirk her duties as a mother, she did plenty for us, but the nights when I should be out being a teenager, I was home babysitting (a lot, not always). I can't remember how many "dates" I had with my ex babysitting at home. Then along came Amber, and it was babysitting 2 and I remember being more disenchanted with the situation. At almost 19 and a graduate of high school, I cut out of there.
Now it took me a while to get over that whole situation. I was annoyed at my parents for a long time for that. But I'm over it, and if anything needs to be forgiven for, I've done forgiving (I'm sure I was far from perfect too).
But not once, have I ever "hated" either of my little sisters. (or any of my siblings for that matter). I just thought you both should know that. :) And I'm sorry that I was a 16 year old snot.
Happy birthday Amber. Slowly, % wise, you are catching up with me!